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Big Things

“Well we pretty much ate Oahu.”

My son’s observation as we were leaving Hawaii Sunday night isn’t much of an exaggeration. We really did sample everything we could (except Spam. Because that’s just wrong. And it’s made here anyway), and while we’re all coming home a little heavier, our spirits are most definitely lighter. It was just so exquisitely beautiful there, and so relaxing to simply be together as we enjoyed everything. And I can honestly say that I didn’t have any sleepless nights worrying about my upcoming scans. Seriously. I think we need to go to Hawaii before all my Mayo trips from now on.

Speaking of which, I’m at Mayo now. Did my blood work today, then we start bright and early with the MRI and chest X-ray tomorrow morning, followed by all the eye exams, pictures and ultrasound in the afternoon. And finally, the moment of truth with the oncologist at the end of the day. If all goes well we’ll be home in the early evening, and I will be posting very good news here sometime tomorrow night. I have rehearsal for our church’s Easter services as soon as I get back, so don’t worry if you don’t hear from me right away. And it’ll probably be brief – something along the lines of, “My eyes are still blurry, but my scans are clear! Having a celebratory martini!” Or something like that.

In the meantime, I thought I’d share one of my observations from my last Mayo day back in September. I never wrote it down, but I found myself thinking about it at length on the plane ride back from Hawaii. And I wonder whose stories I will cross paths with tomorrow.

Everywhere I go at Mayo, I’m surrounded by people going through Big Things. Most of the time I can only study their faces and body language and wonder what their story is, but on a few rare occasions I’ll learn a little about what they’re going through. The couple with the newborn baby that we met in line at the coffee shop, smiling and almost giddy, hardly able to even believe what they were telling us: that she had received a liver transplant only a year or so before, and then got pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby. I imagine that after so many desperate, awful visits to Mayo before her transplant, this routine check up felt downright triumphant. We ooh’d and ahh’d over their sweet baby, and allowed ourselves to share in their joy. Because for the most part, we don’t see a lot of joy at Mayo. We haven’t seen a lot of outright grief or despair either. Mostly it’s just variations on grim expressions, set jaws and contained emotions. And nervousness. Lots of that. And as I said, most of the time I can only wonder what brings them here, but I know that most likely it is a Big Thing. As I was waiting for my MRI last time, I found myself sitting with another woman about my age. It was the secondary waiting area, so we were prepped and in our gowns. I noticed that, like me, she was nervously fidgeting while trying very hard to not look at her IV, and when she cracked a joke after one of the nurses left, I knew I’d found a buddy. We began to exchange humorous comments about this and that, laughing nervously together. She told me they were running about a half hour behind, so we came up with ideas for activities all of us could do while we waited – a hospital gown fashion show, a dance off – we thought we were hilarious. We never asked each other why we were having MRI’s, but it was understood that keeping the mood light was a good thing. The others in the waiting room, if they didn’t find us hysterical, at least tolerated us. We were probably a good distraction. And then a woman entered with what looked like her mom, which was odd because no one else had their significant person with them. The woman looked like she was in her late twenties or early thirties, and she went over to a chair and just stood there and stared at it. Her mom sat down in the chair next to it. “Come on, sit down, it won’t be that long” she beckoned to her daughter. “Actually, they’re running about a half hour behind,” my comedic partner piped up, “But it’s ok, we’ve found some fun things to do.” Much to our disappointment, neither the woman nor her mother seemed excited or amused by the offer. In fact, the woman got extremely agitated and began to pace. “I can’t do that. I can’t!” She repeated as she paced. I scowled. Well she was no fun at all. And why couldn’t she wait? What, did she think she was better than all of us? Please. We all had to wait, suck it up. She turned tearfully to her mom, “I can’t wait,” she said again. “You have to wait,” the mom calmly responded. The woman paced a few more times, then announced “I’m going to the bathroom,” and marched out. “It’s just around the corner,” the mom called sternly after her, “don’t go any farther than that.” Silence. “Flight risk?” my buddy quipped. The mom wearily turned to us and explained that two years ago doctors had told her daughter that they had done all they could do and that she should go home and enjoy her children. She had already lasted longer than anyone expected, but still… she was young… and her kids were young. This MRI was most likely going to tell them that the end was coming soon. We sat in stunned silence as we listened. No wonder she couldn’t wait. My comedic partner bowed her head and whispered exactly what I was thinking, “I wish I could give her my spot so she wouldn’t have to wait.”

Everyone at Mayo has a story. And really, when you think about it, everyone everywhere else has a story too. The woman in Target, the guy at the car wash, the kid at the mall – maybe they’re not all facing a terminal illness, but any one of them could be dealing with a Big Thing. I wonder how quick I am to judge sometimes, just like I did in that MRI waiting room, and I wonder how things would be different if we all judged slower and loved quicker.

And really, with the exception of picking up hitchhikers holding chainsaws, you can’t go wrong by being nice.

Looking forward to sharing good news with you all tomorrow night. Thanks so much for all the love and support you continue to shower upon my family and me. Your prayers, positive vibes and messages sustain us and lift us up in ways we can’t fully express. We are blessed, and we are grateful.

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11 thoughts on “Big Things

  1. Jen,
    This story is so elegantly written, truly a message that all should hear. Thank you for the beauty you bring to life’s daily routine.
    Dawn

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  2. Very well said Jen. When I was at the Mayo last week waiting for my MRI, I quickly discovered that my wrap around gown didn’t wrap very well as I bent down to grab a magazine. The wrap started to unwrap and I’m quite sure I flashed someone my breast! I kind of chuckled and said “I don’t think I want to do that!” to a young woman sitting next to the table. She just looked up quickly and back down just as fast, as her legs couldn’t stop shaking. She was visibly nervous, and she had a story.

    No matter what trials you are facing, when you realize that you are not alone, the tiny sweetness in the moments make life worth living. Enjoying the sing-along of hymns and golden oldies in the Mayo/Gonder building lobby with patients in wheelchairs was just one of those moments.

    Love you!
    Jennie

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  3. Jen- Your writing entertains and inspires me. My prayers, thoughts, good vibes, & everything else are coming your way tomorrow. I also agree that from now on, a Hawaiian vacation should precede all scans and major medical test events. It’s only fair. Looking forward to reading your great news tomorrow evening!!

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  4. Jen, so glad you have a great relaxing time in Hawaii! You so deserve it! I LOVE what you wrote and yes we all have a story and it just reminds us to be aware around us and to appreciate what we have. You so inspire me!!

    My Jewish prayers are with you today and always šŸ™‚
    Dawn

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  5. Jen,
    It’s just like you to be empathetic, pragmatic and humorous through the best and worst of times. You inspire me!
    Love,
    Tammy

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